


Infatuation

by kuroosbabyyy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Books, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Gift Giving, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Light Angst, Mild mafia, Out of Body Experiences, Past Rape/Non-con, Pining, Rape Aftermath, Rape/Non-con Elements, Scars, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Smoking, Strangers to Lovers, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, Trust Issues, Underage Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:35:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 22,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28005513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuroosbabyyy/pseuds/kuroosbabyyy
Summary: She had every reason possible to not want to live. Family issues, mental issues, physical issues. She thought her only place was outside this world. And then she met him.I can’t do these help
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 46
Collections: The Infatuation Universe





	1. hidden secrets

**Author's Note:**

> Mostly plot building

You were eleven years old. It happened at a family party at the castle. You had gotten away from the crowd to get some air and take a break from the obscene comments your aunts made about your body. However on your way back inside, sturdy arms grabbed you and pulled you into one of the empty rooms down the hall. It was far away from where everyone was hanging out, so nobody heard your tiny screams as you pleaded for your sister’s fiancé to let you go, utterly dumbfounded by what was going on. Your throat clenched as you tried to scream, no sound leaving your mouth as a result. He continued to rip off your clothes until there was nothing left. He moaned loudly seeing you naked, pushing his already hard cock all the way inside you forcefully. You felt a wave of excruciating pain go through your body as you could tell you had sustained great damage from the forceful intrusion. The sudden stretch of your vaginal opening made blood pour out like water from a running tap, but it didn’t faze him at all. He seemed to enjoy it, more than anything. He ejaculated soon after that, the cum mixed with your blood. Your vision blurred from the loss of blood and your ears started to ring. You couldn’t see or hear much now, but you could feel. You could feel his hands all over your body, marking your skin with his fingerprints because he knew nobody would believe this was his doing. Years May have flowed from your matte eyes, but you didn’t make a sound. After he was done he shoved his cock down your throat. You felt your airway close and it became virtually impossible to breathe. The sides of your mouth stretched as far as they could. You felt something crack in your throat, which you later found out was your thyroid cartilage. 

You jolted awake. Your heartbeat was accelerating constantly even though you weren’t dreaming and you started feeling dizzy, feeling panic set in as it usually did after night terrors. It’s the same dream, again. You sighed, forcing yourself to breathe but not being able to. Your throat clenched just the way it had that night. This was daily routine at this point. You had experienced the same thing every night for seven years now, but it never affected you any less. You were used to the panic attacks, the jittery feeling whenever someone stepped too close or spoke a certain way and the way you had to dress to make yourself feel invisible. But none of that prepared you for the physical and mental fatigue that came after. Every night at around 4am you jolted awake just like you had lost now, unable to sleep at all after that. You waited for the clock to strike 6am, beginning to get ready for your daily run before getting ready to go to school. 

It was your third year at Nekoma, which also marked three years since you had first moved to Japan. You prepared your bag, making sure your bottle of medicine was in there in case you needed it. You grabbed your sports bag, heading to the volleyball gym for morning practice. You unlocked the gym and put your stuff aside before starting to practice a bit on your own. Soon, the rest of the team showed up and you led practice as normal. After an hour of drills, receives and a bit of goofing around, practice was over and everyone changed into their uniforms, ready to head to class. You were always the last one to leave since you were the captain and needed to lock the gym, so the members always greeted you with a “Have a good day” or “Thank you for the hard work” before running off. After everyone left, you grabbed your things and headed to your first class of the day. 

The school day was always a blur. You had a habit of thinking far too ahead so you were thinking about skating instead. There was a competition coming up soon and you needed to practice. Not to mention the Inter High prelims started soon, so there was double the work to be done. After volleyball practice that evening, you drove to the ice rink and spent some hours with your coach revising your program. You drove everywhere since you couldn’t handle the anxiety that came with walking somewhere alone. You got your license the day you turned 18 and it made life a lot easier because you didn’t have to stop yourself from breaking down whenever someone touched you suggestively in the bus. 

After skating practice, your body felt like it would give in any moment so you stepped into the shower knowing full well what would ensue. You let the water rush over your body, quickly washing your hair so you could get out before you started panicking- but all was in vain. The drops of water felt like fingertips hovering over every part of your body, the touch lingering even after you thoroughly dried yourself. You caught a glimpse of your naked figure in the mirror, disgusted by the atrocity that was your own physical form. Cuts and scars covered you everywhere; you were but a mosaic representing everything your body had been put through by others. 

You quickly looked away, got dressed and headed to your room to finish your homework. You had the habit of finishing mise work at school, you often got weird stares from people who didn’t know you personally. You often heard boys in your class talking about you in the library. They didn’t say anything vulgar or rude, but it still made you uncomfortable that you were the center of their attention. Everyone at the school was extremely welcoming and you liked the city, but you absolutely hated the uniforms. You hated seeing girls with beautiful, long legs looking perfect when they wore skirts. Some even hiked their skirts up to show their thighs a bit more. It was considered adventurous and bold, but you could never be like that even if you tried. You despised the fact that skirts were the uniform but you reminded yourself that this would be your last year here, and then it’ll all be okay. 

You finished up your work and decided to go to sleep until you were inevitably awaken by another nightmare. And so, another day started and you were back in school before you realized it.


	2. scheduled death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story is getting started !!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> play arctic monkeys while reading.

The school day ended relatively fast, and soon you were at volleyball practice again. You rushed to the bathroom to renew the spell that hid the scars on your body. It was draining to keep it up, but it was better than having to explain things to everyone who saw you. You could even keep up the spell in your sleep since you had a lot of practice. You liked planning ahead of time so you discussed different formations and tactics with the team, practicing them to get the gist. There was a persistent migraine that you’d woken up with but you chose to ignore it since it never went away even if you took medicine anyways. Practice ended and everyone left, you stayed behind as usual to check if everything was put away and locked the door to the gym. 

On your way out, you heard the boys’ volleyball team clean up, being noisy like they usually were. It seemed as though there was more and more yelling each day. Sometimes you wondered how their captain didn’t lose patience because you definitely would have. In the middle of thinking, you almost ran into someone-dodging at the last moment. When you managed to compose yourself you realized that the man in front of you was none other than the boys’ captain, Kuroo Tetsurou. 

This wasn’t in any way your first encounter with Kuroo. You had always seen him around, spoken a few words when needed and that was it. Your relationship was no more than that of two acquaintances and you were fine with that. 

Kuroo ok the other hand, wasn’t fine with it. He wasn’t fine with the way his heart raced whenever his eyes caught you across the room. He wasn’t fine with the way he showed up to all your games whenever he could manage to, just to see you spike the ball with utter perfection. He wasn’t fine with how you mesmerized him, but you didn’t even know it. In his eyes you were perfect. In your eyes, you were the most imperfect. 

“Sorry about that” you said with a tired smile. The truth was that you mended to be at the ice rink soon and there was no time to chat. 

“It’s okay” Kuroo said quickly snapping back to reality. 

You walked past him but he didn’t move. You were fortunately quite tall yourself, so your shoulder briefly brushed his as you passed him in the hall. The contact sent Kuroo into another dimension. You looked for your car keys from your pocket, suddenly not being able to find them. They had been there but panic clouded your head, making your heart beat so fast it threatened to jump out of your body. You had enough experience with panic attacks at school so you wanted to get out of anyone’s sight before dealing with it. However, luck wasn’t on your side today and before you knew it the air in your lungs ran out, making you pass out right there without realizing that you were holding your keys the whole time. 

You didn’t feel your body hit the floor. 

Your family was rich, needless to say. You lived in a castle until you moved away and you were never short on money. That’s why your house was larger than the average person’s, with the best security. There was only one key and only you knew the passcode. That aside, your address was no secret since your house was the place to hang for everyone you knew, including a lot of the people in your year. Kuroo was lucky to be one of those people, so instead of bringing you to the nurse he brought you back home in your car since your keys were in your hand. He was naturally amazed at how spacious and organized your house was, but didn’t let himself get too distracted by the design. 

He laid you on your bed carefully, covering you with the comforter that was neatly folded on the side. Your fever was rising, so he found a clean cloth and some cold water to try and reduce it. For some reason, Kuroo found himself getting far too worried about you for his own liking. His eyes never left your face and he took his time observing your features. His fingers impulsively brushed your cheek, flushed red because of the fever. A blush found it’s way to his cheeks when he realized this was his first time touching you like this. He quickly diverted his attention away from his thoughts, going to the kitchen to switch out the now warm water in the bowl instead. 

After almost an hour of Kuroo taking care of you, your fever got a lot better and you woke up, surprised to see him there. You asked him how long he’d been there but you knew since your clock read 6pm. 

Shit. I’m late for skating

You got up quickly to grab your skates. You couldn’t even think of missing practice this close to a competition, and when Kuroo grabbed your wrist in an attempt to stop you, you broke free from his grip quickly and easily. 

“You should rest for the day” he said in a soft voice. 

“I can’t miss practice just because I have a fever” you replied flatly. 

He sighed, getting up from the chair he’d been sitting on. Somewhere inside his heart, he knew that persuading you was useless especially since you two were practically strangers. It hurt, but he also accepted the fact that he had no right to stop you. 

“...be careful then” he said, grabbing his bag and heading towards the door. He couldn’t hear seeing you push yourself, so he decided to leave before he gave in to the urge to stop you. You felt some type of hurt too. It felt like you should’ve been grateful to him but instead you shunned him when he showed concern. 

“Thanks for bringing me home. I appreciate it.” You said, trying to make him and yourself feel better. You were grateful, you just didn’t know what to do with that feeling. 

“Don’t mention it” he said with a small smile. He was hurt and you could see it, but there was no time to examine those emotions right now. With that, he was out the door while you gathered your things, quickly texting your coach that you were showing up soon. 

Kuroo walked home debating whether or not he should text you. He had your number but there was never leisure conversation between the two of you. He decided to wait till the night since he didn’t want to disturb you at practice. He got home, stepping into the shower right away. He had a habit of playing music in the shower, especially after school. It helped him relax-except today, it made him fall into a train of deep thought. 

Secrets I have held in my heart  
Are harder to hide than I thought  
Maybe I just wanna be yours  
I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours

Kuroo closed his eyes, taking in a breath as he thought about the situation he was in as the chorus played in the background. He was a third year at Nekoma. He had pined after you for almost a year now. He ran his hands through his wet hair, simultaneously realizing that if he wanted a chance with you, he needed to do something about it before graduation. After all, college could take you anywhere in the world. He knew you were an ambitious person and you wouldn’t be afraid to move out of Japan just like you had moved in. That only scared him more. He didn’t know what came after you. What if he lost you? What if time ran out? 

His playlist shuffled to another love song as he stepped out of the shower, drying his hair with a towel. He finished getting dressed for bed, still contemplating whether or not he should text you. He gathered his courage to ask how you were doing anyways. 

You had just gotten back from skating, so you were in the shower when you got the text. You had always had a bad experience with water. Every time you showered you had an anxiety attack. It was especially bad these days and there wasn’t much you could do about it. You had learned to deal with it but you also know it wasn’t healthy. Well, it didn’t matter because you wouldn’t live that long anyways. 

You had already scheduled your death for after your competitions.


	3. pay attention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> listen to Beach Bunny and Billie Eilish while reading

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW- self harm

You got out of the shower, your whole body shaking from the anxiety attack you just had. You managed to change into some sweats and took your medicine as well as some melatonin before getting into bed and bandaging your ankles. Today was one of the days where your legs felt like they would fall off any second if you used them any longer. 

_I’ll be out of this body soon_ -you assured yourself as you finished putting on the bandages. You checked your phone for any emails but an unusual message caught you eye.

—-Kuroo (1)—-

You opened the notification, slightly surprised by his message. Yes, he had helped you out today but you didn’t really expect anything from him.

Kuroo: _Hey. Do you feel better? Did you get home safe?_

You didn’t really know how to respond properly, but you were experienced enough with social interactions to deal with it.

You:  _Hi. I’m home and I’m feeling better. Thanks for asking._

Kuroo was laying in bed texting someone when he saw your message pop up on his screen. He hadn’t expected you to respond, so when you did he almost dropped his phone. He was grateful that you were fine. It made his stress fade away because even without realizing, he had been worried about you for the whole day.

Kuroo:  _That’s great. Sleep well. Goodnight_

You smiled at the message, knowing full well that would never happen. You sent a quick response, later thinking to yourself why you didn’t just send a plain “thanks”.

You : _You too. Goodnight_.   


You put your phone down in an attempt to fall asleep. Naturally, another nightmare was ready to indulge you and you woke up as quickly as possible. Your chest constricted and your throat felt even worse. The truth was that after the incident with your sister’s fiancé, your family didn’t get you any medical help because they ‘didn’t want to ruin their reputation’ among other royals. Deep down, you knew no one believed that he assaulted you, so you kept your mouth shut to not get into more trouble. For that reason, your throat never healed like it was supposed to. You couldn’t get as much air into your lungs as others, and it was difficult to eat and drink sometimes. 

There was surgery that you could get to fix that but why would you? You saw no reason for such a procedure when you didn’t even want to live another day. It was too troublesome. That’s why you hadn’t thought about college either. Because the world didn’t need you. And it certainly didn’t want you to stay, so you thought it’d be best to leave as soon as possible. 

You didn’t sleep that night. You got a coffee on your way to school the next day, finishing it before you stepped into the building. On your way to morning practice you ran into Kuroo again but there was no conversation this time. It was almost like things had reverted back to how they were. Except this time, there was a moment of eye contact between the two of you. It didn’t mean anything to you then, but there was concern in his eyes. You got back to what you were doing, joining your team in the gym and warming up. You were glad you always wore tights under your skirt, because today your ankles were not on your side so you had to bandage them again. You didn’t want your team members to be worried, but you didn’t think they would be. It didn’t matter how much every member on the team meant to you. You’d take a bullet for each one of them, but they didn’t need to know that.   


“ _Because people will only hurt you”_. Your mom’s words played in your head in her shrill voice, making you shiver. She really was the person you were most afraid of. You pulled yourself out of your thoughts and focused on practice before you needed to change into the uniform you hated so much and go to class.   


You felt horrible that day, but Kuroo still had some hope since you were in most of his classes. He spent the first half of class insanely focused on the lesson, but eventually his eyes drifted over to you too often and he gave up on trying to take notes. You liked sitting by the window, especially because you didn’t like being surrounded by people. Kuroo was sitting two rows from you. This made it easier for him to look at you without you noticing. You could feel his eyes on you the whole time though. You didn’t need to use a spell to know he’d been looking at you.   


Kuroo examined you as much as he could without making it seem like he was staring too much. He didn’t want the other students to think he was obsessed. Well, he might’ve been obsessed. He marveled the structure of your face and the way your jaw curved at the perfect angle, blending into your hair. He loved the way your hair looked when you found that it was getting in the way of writing and pushed it behind your ear.   


You always liked your hair being medium length because you could wash it faster. Kuroo was reeled in by your presence, making him wonder what kind of person you were inside.   


You also wondered why Kuroo always looked at you more than the board, but you may have had an idea all along. You just didn’t like that possibility or think that it could be true. 

_Oh God. You better not like me_. 

It was a split second thought. You actually weren’t worried about Kuroo liking you at all, because in your head you had convinced yourself that nobody would. You took your mind off the topic and focused on taking notes. The teacher kept talking about some college entrance exams, but you were free of worry. After all, there were only three things on your mind: the skating competition, the Inter High prelims and your elaborate plan to attempt suicide successfully. Once and for all.   


_ There’s no way I’m letting it fail this time. _

You had attempted suicide many times, using various methods. But somehow none of them worked. You were always left on the brink of death and then brought back to the world to suffer. You hated that feeling. You hated being so close to your goal and losing sight of it. You never wanted to live this long, or live at all. It was physically exhausting to get up everyday and follow the same routine. You wanted out of this. When you were fifteen, you tried using your mother’s dagger to cut your throat open right where your bone was broken. You blacked out and thought you did it, but then you woke up with bandages around your neck and a maid next you your bed. When your mother found out what you’d done she repeatedly stabbed you anywhere but your face because “ _at least you could make use of that”_ she insisted. You hoped the loss of blood would kill you, but it just wouldn’t. No matter how many times you felt the familiar blade dig into your skin, warm and wet with your blood it never got the job done.   


You tried again too many times for you to remember now. You tried so hard but it seemed like even death didn’t want you on it’s side. That didn’t keep you from trying, and this time you were sure you would succeed. 


	4. past present

You lost your balance once again as your mother kicked you to the ground for the millionth time that day. You didn’t feel any pain, but you knew you were supposed to. You stood up again, repeating the spell you were learning from your mother. She had never taught you the basics of witchcraft. Instead, she put you on to her own level from the beginning, expecting you to nail it-and it really upset her when you didn’t.

“How are you supposed to become the best witch in the family like this?” She screamed. “You must become better than your elder sister, and better than me!’ she repeated, hitting you again.

Your family had always been formidable when it came to magic. Most of the best witches and sorcerers were attached to your bloodline, raising the expectations for any child born into the family. You mother was the mostpowerful witch in the family back then, taking it upon herself to make you her successor. She had acknowledged your sister’s talents too, but to her it seemed that you could become better than both of them. You never understand why you had to go down that path but you couldn’t afford to question it.

Years passed with you in training. Your mother was happy with you but displeased at the same time. You made progress quickly, but too slow for her liking. She would lose patience often resulting in you on the hard floor of the room with no power left in your muscles that might allow you to stand up. The same cycle repeated for a painfully long time. Days came and went, leaving you more and more worn out each time the sun rose again. Your childhood was spent in solitude, barely answering anyone but your mother. You never read anything besides books about witchcraft other than the Bible on Sundays and books at school.Your mother would always wake you up early to cover up any visible bruises that she could be held responsible for at gatherings.

Then one day, you decided that you couldn’t bear to live like that any longer. If your soul wouldn’t leave your body, your body would have to leave that place.

You were brought back to reality by the teacher asking you to answer the question on the board. You quickly registered what the question was and answered it correctly. You had zoned out again. It was one of your worst habits but you always got carried away once you started thinking. If the teacher hadn’t interrupted, you probably would’ve replayed the past eighteen years in your head with an excruciating amount of detail.

The school day ended and you got ready to head over to the gym for practice. On your way in, you noticed girls from your team talking excitedly about something. You were curious so you asked what was going on.

“Coach Nekomata wants us to ply the boys’ team for a practice match today! We were just waiting for you to answer since you’re the captain.” You heard your setter, Wendy say.

“Do you guys want to play them? If you do I’ll say yes” you stated simply. You liked the idea of a team being involved in all aspects of volleyball. Asking for opinions before making decisions was not only right, but also reassuring. It made you feel respected, which was already such a rare feeling for you.

“Yes!!” or “Of course!” was all you heard after you asked the question, so you went over and agreed to the match. You passed by Kuroo as you walked out, both of you knowing what was about to go down in a few minutes. He gave a you a competitive look as if to say ‘get ready’ so you shot one back at him. None of you said a word, but it felt like you had just declared war.

The match was held in the boys’ gym, so your team was called over a few minutes prior to stretch and help out up the net. You were one of the taller ones there so you went to fix the net when you noticed it was slightly lower on one side. It seemed Kuroo had noticed the fault at the same time, both of you running to fix it and stopping a foot away from each other. Both sides noticed the moment of tension between you and Kuroo but he was the one who felt the impact of it the most. Kuroo’s heart was beating like he had just finished playing a five set game, which was bad since the match hadn’t even started yet. He must’ve realized everyone was watching too so he busied himself in fixing the net as you walked back to your team and let him fix it.

Wendy looked over at you from where she was stretching, immediately earning a deadly glance from the side of your eye telling her to keep her mouth closed. She had always been one for cheesy romance and it didn’t take much for her to notice when things took that route in real life.

A few minutes passed and everything was in place to start the match. Both team coaches stood on the sidelines ready to take note of anything interesting. Players got into their positions on the court and you caught Kuroo looking your way for a second, though he averted his eyes the moment you noticed. You were in the front row to the right, suitable for a wing spiker like yourself. Kuroo was in the middle of the front row, enabling him to block the ball conveniently when it came to him.

The match started with the boys’ team serving. They tried scoring a service ace but it was in vain. Your team’s libero was a girl named Clémentine with extremely fast reflexes as well as exceptional physical ability, definitely a key player in your team bringing home the nationals trophy for the past two years. She skillfully shifted her weight onto one leg, securing the ball and slowing it down whilst passing it to the next person. Watching her receive so gracefully made you remember when you were chosen to be the team captain. It was last year, when the previous captain was about to graduate. You insisted that Clém be chosen as the next captain because of her responsible personality but somehow everyone in the club wanted you to take over instead. To still day you didn’t understand why you were chosen for a role that important, but you wanted to at least fulfill your responsibilities so you accepted out of respect for everyone who chose you. A few milliseconds must’ve lapsed before you heard your name being yelled by Wendy, ready to set to you. You jumped high, putting your weight on the front of your feet to increase height. Your knees bent as you reached for the ball that was spinning in front of your eyes now. You caught three blockers jump at the perfect time to be able to block you, one of them being Kuroo. Their defense was good and that was no surprise, so you made sure the ball passed just above the blockers’ fingertips, slamming into the floor of the court as you descended, satisfied with yourself.

As soon as the ball touched the other side of the court, you were locked between your teammates in what seemed more of a tackle than a hug. They were always like this-celebrating every point taken like it was their last one together. Something about the atmosphere when you were around them made you feel at ease with yourself. It felt like you were finally enough. You didn’t say a word, just smiling until all of your teammates got off you and took their positions again.

The first set was concluded in a flash. Your team barraged the boys’ side with attacks, taking the lead early on. There was no concept of pacing yourselves. All of you walked off the court after that set feeling totally fine. You called everyone over and discussed what you’d be doing to score points in the next set. You intended to end the game in two sets and honestly, it didn’t seem difficult. Most players on the boys’ team were in a state of shock having to defend almost the entire set. As for Kuroo, he didn’t talk at all. Instead he was busy thinking about how different his team was from yours. The difference in stamina was clear between the two teams, but both you and him knew how persistent the boys’ team could be if they needed to. You knew they wouldn’t go down that easily.

The second set started off slow, with neither side scoring points. Then all of a sudden, the boys’ plays took a massive turn. They were fully on the offensive now, trying to get as many points as possible but your team stopped almost all of their attempts to have the ball graze the floor on your side of the court. Soon, four rotations passed and it was your turn to serve. You spun the ball on your fingertip as you always did before serving. You jumped up high once again, letting the ball soar for a second before directing it towards the middle of the back row on the boys’ side with full force. Yaku was ready to receive anything that came at him, but even he failed to stop the accelerated ball as it stealthily passed by him, landing right on the court.

Time had stopped for a moment after you scored that no touch ace. You could feel the stares of your own team as well as the opponents. The only difference was that those on your side of the court stared at you in some form of admiration, but what you felt coming from the other side was a flavorful mix of awe and fear. It reminded you of the first day you started learning to cast spells from your mother and she demonstrated one for you to imitate. You were amazed by the feat you had witnessed, but the amount of power in your mother’s voice each time she chanted was utterly terrifying.

The match was over soon after that. You took nine points from serving alone, giving both team coaches plenty to observe and write about in their notes. Both teams lined up afterwards, respectfully bowing to end the game. Your team shook hands with theirs and you got a warm smile from Kuroo when he extended his hand for you to take it.

“That was a good game” you remarked with a hint of sarcasm as you shook his hand.

“You need to teach me how to serve like that sometime” Kuroo replied jokingly as he watched you let go of his hand.

“Sure. If you can keep up with me!” You commented, waving to him while running back you your team.

Both teams helped clean up the gym before heading out for the evening. You unlocked your car, getting in along with Wendy and Clém since all of you lived close by. You buckled in your seatbelt at the front while the two of them chatted in the back. You dropped the two of them off before heading home to grab your skates and leaving for practice. However, something peculiar caught your eye when you got inside the driver’s seat of your car. There was a silver ring that didn’t belong to you in the compartment between the two seats at the front. After a few seconds of thinking you realized that there was only one other person in the driver’s seat aside from you. You put the ring in your purse so you wouldn’t lose it and started your car.

You planned to return Kuroo’s ring tomorrow before morning practice. 


	5. the usual

You reached the skating rink after a fifteen minute drive. You felt better than most days now, and winning the match really gave you something good to think about. The only problem was that you couldn’t stop thinking about the ring Kuroo left in your car. You didn’t understand why it bothered you so much. Now that you focused more, it had a wavy pattern inscribed into it that was very stylish in your opinion. You wondered where it was from, whether or not someone gave it to him and things like that. You shifted your focus to skating since today was the day your coach reviewed your short program for the upcoming national competition. You prepared yourself to perform your best, most graceful performance since it would be your last.

A couple of other skaters went before you, each of them presenting their best work. You were done stretching thoroughly by the time it was your turn so you took your position in the middle of the ice, waiting for the music to start. Once you heard the music you were transported into another reality. One where you expressed every emotion but felt none as your feet glided smoothly on the ice. You let yourself be your own judge. You tactically evaluated each crossover, each turn, each landing that you thought was even a millisecond off. Finally, the music stopped and you stepped off the ice to where your coach was in order to hear her thoughts.

“That was absolutely perfect!” Your coach exclaimed as she showed you the points you scored from certain elements. You said a low pitched “thank you” with a synthetic smile but you knew within yourself that this wasn’t all you were capable of. Any happiness you might have made the mistake of feeling now dissipated into frustration. You needed to work a lot harder than now.

You removed your skates and bandages, observing your blistered feet that were swollen from skating too much. You changed your shoes and packed your things. On your way to your car you spotted a tall apartment building with no security at the roof. Your head was flooded with all the possibilities and you could hardly resist the urge to go up there right now, but you told yourself the time would come soon. For now, the two competitions were your top priority.

You got into your car and turned on some music on the drive back to your house, entering quietly once you got there. You put your bag down and got into the shower, turning on a playlist to distract you from thinking about having a panic attack. To your dismay, the effort proved to be useless since you ended up driving yourself into a corner yet again. You got out of the shower, careful to not look in the mirror and slipped on some clothes to sleep in. You fell asleep fast, maybe because you were overtaken by fatigue.

“Shut up and take it, you slut” was all you remembered when you woke up. Your heartbeat was abnormally fast and you felt a lump in your throat, your hand instinctively reaching to feel the spot where the bone broke, still unhealed. You struggled to feel calm or safe after that. You had to go and check all the doors and windows in the house to see if you were the only one inside. You couldn’t help but feel that there was someone in your room that intended to harm you. You were constantly woken by vivid flashbacks as soon as your eyelids got even remotely heavy. This was the kind of night that made you wonder

_ What if I had someone to hold me right now? _

Just the thought of someone seeing you in such an unsightly state made you nauseous, so you kicked it out. You couldn’t fall asleep after that no matter what you tried. You remained awake till about 4am, only getting two terrible hours of sleep before your alarm rang at 6am telling you to wake up.

You went about your day as usual until you got to school. You remembered to bring the ring with you so you could return it before many people showed up. You walked into the boys gym and Kuroo was the first one there, just like you. You walked up to him, quite frankly enjoying the look of astonishment that he couldn’t hide.

“Good morning” he greeted you, still visibly confused.

“Morning. I came to return this. You left it in my car the other day” you stated handing him the silver band that shone in the increasing light of the rising sun.

“Oh! Thank you. I thought I lost it” he admitted, taking the ring and slipping it into his pocket.

“Well then. I’ll be off” you said, walking away.

“Wait!” You heard Kuroo say. You stopped mid-step, turning to walk back to him. He looked like he still needed to finish his sentence so you waited for him to talk again.

“Are you free tomorrow? I’d like to thank you with a coffee or something...” he said avoiding your eyes. 

He said it. It wasn’t supposed to be a date, not yet. Kuroo couldn’t believe he’d asked you to hang out with him like this. On top of everything, your nonchalant expression after hearing that worried him even more. To his surprise and your own, you smiled at the request.

“I have practice in the night so I’m only free in the afternoon” you said thinking about your schedule since tomorrow was a Saturday. There was no school, but you still had skating practice.

“That’s fine with me” he spoke quickly, a smile at the corner of his lips. “Does 3:00 work for you?” He questioned. You nodded and suggested a café close to your place.He was eager to try it, so it was decided that you would meet him there.

“Yeah, see you then” you said as you turned to walk back to your own gym, after hearing some members come in.

“See you” Kuroo said to himself, also admiring you as you disappeared out the door.

You led practice as usual and everyone made their way to class after that. The periods passed one by one until it was time for lunch. You sat together with a couple of friends, including the girls’ volleyball team. You settled into your chair and started eating even though you didn’t feel like it.

“I have a favor to ask you y/n” Clémentine said. She rarely used your name to address you, so you knew this was a serious matter.

“What is it? You’re worrying me” you responded, obviously concerned.

“Can I host a party at your house?” Clém continued.

“Seriously?” You laughed. “I thought you got into a fight or something. Why at my place though?” You inquired.

“Because it’s huge, of course!” She exclaimed. 

The conversation went on and you agreed to let her host the party since there was no reason for you to decline. You hadn’t had anyone over for a long time and it would make everyone else happy. Besides, your house was the place for most parties hosted by the girls anyway. After a few minutes of conversation, Sunday was decided since you didn’t have practice in the evening. All of you talked about irrelevant things for the rest of lunch. When the bell rang signaling the start of the next period, you told your friends goodbye and walked to your next class. The day went by and you finished packing up before strolling to the bathroom to change and renew the spell on your body. You dealt with it quickly and got what you needed from the storage closet.

The practice mainly focused on improving team performance since the competition was close. You spent the next two hours noting down anything that each member could fix and discussing it with your coach. Time went by fast, and you found yourself locking the gym door. You got into your car to head home and then to the rink. Skating practice ended fast that day since your coach had to leave early. You stayed at the rink for a while after, then headed back home, following your usual routine. Once again, you got out of the shower feeling terrible. You were so tired of panicking every time you showered. It was a feeling you couldn’t get used to, just like your nightmares. You took your medicine and some melatonin, hoping to get some sleep since you needed to see Kuroo tomorrow.

Maybe you’d invite him to the party too. 


	6. special invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> happiness is always accompanied by pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW- direct mentions of suicide. 
> 
> Car: Ferrari 4.3 California V8 2+2 in black. 
> 
> Kuroo Playlist link: appropriate for this chapter lols 
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7LUCWDoxe55d4IJDXZkxB6?si=pv2eyMpORLymCMqiPdYPTQ

Morning came quickly because you didn’t get any decent sleep. You got out of bed and tried eating something but failed miserably. You settled for a cup of coffee and went about your day. It was only 11am and you were supposed to meet Kuroo at 3 so you thought it would be good to finish up your homework in the mean time. Soon, 2pm rolled around and you realized that you still needed to pick out an outfit to wear, so you went over to your closet. You had a lot of clothes for someone with such a small will to live. It was surely because you quite enjoyed the feeling of seeing something outlandishly expensive and being able to buy it without hesitation. You pulled yourself out of your thoughts and picked out a black turtleneck with some wide legged pants and a belt, complete with a jacket. You liked it because you wouldn’t have to worry about hiding your scars too much apart from your face, which wasn’t all that damaged anyways. You drove to the café even though it wasn’t that far by walk. You knew that if you walked there, you’d become paranoid and it would ruin your mood. That was the last thing you needed.

You got there before Kuroo so you greeted the barista and sat at a table by the window. Everyone at the cafe knew you by now. The place was lit dimly, giving the illusion of dusk even in broad daylight. Classical music played at a satisfyingly low volume. You reckoned it would be rude to order now so you decided to wait until he got there.

About five minutes passed when you heard the bell on the door jingle again and you looked up from your phone to see Kuroo walking in. He was dressed neatly in a white T-shirt with a black button down over it, buttoned two thirds of the way up along with some jeans. A gold paperclip chain drew your attention to his neck. Several metal rings decorated his long fingers. This was the first time you had seen him in any kind of jewelry and it made sense because wearing anything sharp on the court could lead to potential injuries. Besides, it wasn’t allowed in school anyway. His usually messy hair was put in place with great care. Even so, a single strand rebelled against the rest, falling down at the side of his face. His already tan skin glimmered beautifully in the warm lighting of the café.

“Were you waiting long?” Kuroo asked settling into his chair across from you. You could feel him examining you even if he tried to be discrete about it.

“Not at all. I only got here a few minutes ago” you reassured. “What do you want to get?” You asked, sliding him the menu.

He flipped through the pages uninterestingly as if he already knew the answer.“What do you usually get?” He spoke as his eyes lifted from the laminated pages to your face.

You smiled at the question. “A medium iced macchiato. With three espresso shots.” Kuroo’s expressionchanged amusingly between the two sentences. You explained that you liked your coffee a lot stronger than others. The two of you ordered your drinks. He told you about his classes at school and other things as you waited for your order. You told him where you skated and he asked you a few questions.

The more time you spent with Kuroo, the more you realized why he had such a high reputation among people. He had a likable personality and a way to engage with others that made them feel important. Maybe it was the way he brought his voice down to talk to you, or how his eyes stayed on yours every time you said something. Either way, you found yourself getting curious about him. Was there anything that could get past his calm and collected demeanor? What would make him snap? Was that even possible? That fascinated you; Kuroo fascinated you.

The two of you had an easy time conversing with each other. Words came like poetry on paper, effortless and synchronized. For a second you felt like you could breathe again. It was a bizarre feeling. How could someone you met for the first time alone bring about this change? You didn’t put any effort into thinking about it. Instead, all of your attention was on the man in front of you whose smile was so genuine it concerned you-given you were the only person he was with. Your coffee arrived after a few short minutes and you twirled the straw around in your coffee while Kuroo took a sip of his.

“Are you free tomorrow?” You started. “There’s a party at my house if you’re interested.” You added, getting to the point.

“You’re hosting?” He replied.

“No. Clém is.” You said sipping your coffee.

“I don’t have anything to do tomorrow, so I guess I can come.” Kuroo took a sip and you unintentionally watched the muscles in his throat move as he swallowed. “What time?” He spoke again.

“It starts at 8, but you can be there anytime around that.” You said. “We usually go till the next morning since nobody else lives there” you added.

“Okay. I’ll be there then” Kuroo replied. He spoke normally, but his heart was beating as if he’d ran a marathon. He took in the unbelievable situation. The girl who never even bothered to look at him just invited him to a party...at _her_ house. He was out having coffee with that girl. The whole thing seemed surreal to him. Nevertheless, he tried to keep his composure to not seem desperate in front of you.

For the next hour or so, intercourse flowed like fresh water in a river between you and him. That was until you realized there was an hour left till practice, so you told Kuroo you needed to leave. Both of you felt some degree of regret having to leave. Even you had enjoyed your time with him, which was rare since all you did was talk and have some coffee. It usually took a lot more for you to be interested in someone. You offered to drop him off and he accepted, getting into the passenger seat of your car. You didn’t turn on any music this time. Instead, you and Kuroo picked up your conversation from where it left off until you reached his house. You unlocked the door and he stepped out.

“I had fun today.” He said, a little more shy than he was before.

“So did I.” You meant it. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” You asked even though you knew he was coming.

“See you tomorrow” he responded with a smile. You waited for him to get inside the door before driving off.

Kuroo ran upstairs to his room as soon as he closed the door to his house. He was fully panicking now. So many things took over his thoughts, but you were the center of it all. He started shuffling through his closet, trying to find something appropriate for tomorrow. In the process, he came across a shirt that he liked, so that calmed him down a little.

You drove home, immediately changing and getting your skates ready for practice. You were so lost in gathering everything that you didn’t even let yourself stop and think about your rendezvous with Kuroo. You couldn’t bear thinking about it. You couldn’t think of what to do if you actually enjoyed someone’s company in this world. You enjoyed your friends’ company, so you threw Kuroo into that group of people in your head and called it a day. The bottom line was that you had made a vow to yourself that you’d kill yourself after this month and you couldn’t let anyone stop that. Not again. You fetched your keys and locked the door behind you when you left. 

It was dark outside when you finished practice. Your short program was done but it still needed work. You walked to your car and almost stepped in when something sharp jabbed your ankle from under, making you jump back. Fresh, warm blood wet your shoes as you watched a middle aged man reveal himself. He ran towards you; he was probably hoping to restrain you but you caught him in a chokehold. You made sure he lost enough air to pass out. You quickly unlocked your car again, driving to your house at a dangerously high speed this time. You might’ve gotten a ticket, but it didn’t matter to you. Nothing felt real at that point. You could barely see in front of you and your heart beat fast from the adrenaline that flowed through your body. You couldn’t feel any pain in your ankle yet but you knew you would when the fight response wore off. You saw that the light in the living room window was on when you reached your house, confusing you since you always left them off. You honestly couldn’t care about the lights because the sensation in your foot was coming back now. You managed to get to your doorstep. To your surprise, right when you prepared to put the passcode in, the door opened. You didn’t get a chance to see who opened it. Your head throbbed with pain and your eyes went blurry before everything disappeared. You braced yourself for impact but it never came, just like that time at school.

You opened your eyes a little bit to the dim light of your lamp. The only sound in the room was that of the TV on low volume. You could tell you were in your room, and that there was someone else beside you. You couldn’t get yourself to talk even though you wanted to. At that instant you felt a hand shut your eyes and they closed once again, having no power to resist.

The next time you woke up, you witnessed Kuroo sitting by the side of your bed. He noticed you woke up but didn’t say anything. He seemed worried and lost in thought. Meanwhile, you wondered how the universe always managed to use him as a way to help you. You could see that he was distressed by the whole situation but questions still remained. How did he find out about the man attacking you? You didn’t even call the police. You wanted to ask him, however you were still tired so you let it slide for now.

“I didn’t want to see you again like this” he confessed. This was probably the most austere he had ever sounded.

You just smiled at him, barely gathering the strength to do so. It felt like you had taken a lot more damage than you actually did. Your body was drained and you couldn’t think properly. There was no need for you to talk though, because Kuroo started to explain the whole situation right away.

“You must be curious as to why I’m here, so let me tell you. You don’t talk, okay?” You nodded slowly and he continued. “One of your friends at the rink saw what happened and called the police. The man got arrested too, so don’t worry” he finished. His hand reached out to touch your hair, still he stopped himself right away. You just pretended not to notice.

After a while, he helped you sit up so you could take your medicine along with some painkillers. You didn’t want him to stay the night. Not because you felt like he would do something, but because you didn’t want him to see you have a nightmare. You knew it would happen; there was no stopping it. Luckily, he told you he’d be leaving because he needed to get home soon. You thanked him, never specifying for what. It was for taking care of you, of course. Although you wouldn’t ever say it. He left and locked the door. You put a healing spell on your ankle so it would heal faster and went to sleep. You were too tired and the party hadn’t even started yet.

After a few minutes, you felt better and your phone buzzed with a notification. You opened it.

-Kuroo (1)-

Kuroo: _Don’t stay up. Go to sleep._

You: _I will. Thanks again._

Kuroo: _You’re welcome. Sleep well._

You really tried to sleep after that.

Tomorrow would be an eventful day, that was for sure. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! My college semester has started so I wanted to drop another chapter before things get too busy. I will try my best to not take too long on the next update. (It’s going to be good ahaha). I hope you enjoy the story so far :)


	7. humor me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> blade where your heart is  
> And you know how to use it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried doing the fancy underline thing but it’s 12am and I can’t get it to work so here’s the playlist for this chapter.  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/18Vm3QcIAAXI9KZtEzFFgI?si=PTrqAB-GRaCr8JObgSuCtQ

When you finally fell asleep, you were woken up by your alarm. It was Sunday, but you had a lot to do and Clémentine said she’d come over to help, which meant everyone would come over. So, you decided you would figure out what to wear before that. Your phone constantly dinged with messages from friends and acquaintances. That’s how it always was whenever there was a party at your house. Everyone got excited about the idea of no supervision. There was no time limit, no end, nobody to stop people from staying over. You didn’t care as long as nothing was too messed up afterwards. You picked up your phone to respond to the important messages, constantly smiling at the ones still coming in.

-Yuuji- (32)

-Clém- (2)

-Wendy- (5)

(45 other notifications)

You opened the first thread of messages. You and Terushima were great friends, and both of you were open about the fact that there was no need for anything more. Of course, he asked to get the drinks as he always did. You told him to grab a lot. After that, you finished responding to some of your close friends and ignored the rest of them. You opened your drawer to get something and your eyes landed on the unused box of cigarettes in the back, hiding under some books. You took it out, there were lots of people coming over who were fond of smoking-along with yourself. You only smoked at parties or with others. It just felt more fulfilling that way.

Your doorbell rang shortly after and you went to answer the door. Wendy and Clémentine stormed in with their outfits ready to go on. They always brought extra clothes to sleep in since it was a given that they would stay at your place, usually in your room too. They put their things in your closet and sat down.

“So, did you pick out an outfit?” Wendy asked. She was always fond of playing dress up whenever she had the chance.

“I was just going to. I’m probably going to wear a fancy top with some random pants-“ you started.

“Absolutely not!” Wendy exclaimed, getting up. She opened the door to your closet and stepped in. She did a quick run through of your clothes, gasping when her eyes landed on a certain piece. She stepped back out and you saw a silky black slip on dress flung across her arm. She straightened it out, admiring the lace neckline.

“Oh. My. God. You’re wearing this. No questions” she decided. “Clém! Tell her to wear it! Pleaseeeee!!” She pleaded.

“I gotta say, that’s one sexy dress. Why didn’t you wear it before?” Clémentine questioned in awe.

_Because I don’t like dresses..._ you thought.

You wanted to refuse so bad, but some part of you wanted to try it on. You felt daring, so you agreed. After all, this would end up being one of your last parties. Why not make the most of it? All of you decided how to do your hair and makeup. A few hours passed, the three of you went out for lunch in that time and grabbed some coffee on the way back from the same café where you met Kuroo yesterday. The memory came alive in your head again, the image of him distracting you for a moment. You thought about him being at your house tonight. There were certainly a lot of possibilities that came to mind. You were used to having sex with random strangers by now. Maybe it was self deprecating, but you just wanted to replace your childhood experience with new ones. You’d always end up with some random person in a familiar room, with your hand around their neck and your lips on theirs. One thing led to the next and you woke up naked next to a total stranger. It was laughable, how hard you tried to forget what happened. But it was impossible.

Terushima brought the drinks early so you could put them in the refrigerator. He needed to go do something else, so he left. You did notice the smirk shared between him and Wendy as he walked out though.

“What was that?” You asked teasingly. 

“What was what?” Wendy answered, visibly flustered.

“Are you two dating?” Clém joined in. 

“Oh my God. They’re totally together.” You said, aiming to get some kind of explanation out of Wendy.

“We’re not officially dating...” she started. She looked like she was at a loss of words. “There’s this chemistry between us, but I don’t know if I should take that for romantic attraction you know. Like, whenever we walk past each other I feel something. I just don’t know what to call that feeling.” She continued. 

Somehow, the whole situation with Terushima and Wendy reminded you of Kuroo and yourself. You didn’t like him romantically, but there was definitely something between the two of you. You figured you’d find out tonight since he would be at your house anyway. People were always more vulnerable under dim lights.

More and more people stared coming over once it got closer to the designated time of 8pm. You changed into your outfit, instantly regretting what you agreed to. You realized you’d have to keep up the spell the whole night. It wasn’t much of an issue but you just hated having to do that. Your attention immediately went to the hem of the dress and the length made you nervous. You observed the horizontal scarring on your thighs, putting a cloaking spell on them right away.

You finished cloaking your whole body and started on your makeup. You made sure to put on some dark lipstick. You were never one for light shades; you liked how your lips marked the skin of whoever you spent the night with if you pressed hard enough. You paired some earrings with a silver necklace. You actually quite enjoyed wearing rings, so you put on a couple others along with the ring you always wore. It was a silver band with your best friend’s initials embedded into it by hand. You had it ever since you were a child. You hid it until it fit you and started wearing it after you ran away. As for your hair, you didn’t do much to it. Mostly because you were too tired. You could hear a couple of your friends trying to set up the lights outside so you put on some perfume and went to help them. 

The reaction you got was definitely unexpected. The room went remarkably quiet compared to a moment ago when you walked in. You felt eyes on you, but the feeling wasn’t predatory at all. You went up to Wendy to show her the outfit and she was practically speechless. She gathered herself and spoke with confidence.

“See! I told you it would look great!” She exclaimed excitedly.

“Yeah, yeah. You did.” You agreed. 

“No, but seriously. You’re going to take all the attention. You look stunning!” She continued to compliment you.

“Thanks” was all you could say. You honestly didn’t think the dress was flattering. It was pretty, just not on you. You pushed the discomfort aside for now and started setting up the sound system. By the time it was eight, everything was ready to go.

Guests started storming in one after the other. The whole house was lit with LED lights and the huge chandelier that hung from the ceiling added a little more flavor to the party. Everyone around you started dancing to the playlist you had made. There were people from a lot of other schools since some teams came to Tokyo early for the Inter High prelims. You could see someone from Karasuno chatting up Clementine in the corner. Wendy and Terushima had something going, just as expected. Wendy had gotten her hands on him before any other girl. You could tell she’d be the talk of the town if they actually got together after tonight. You wanted them to get together. They complimented each other well. In the midst of all that thinking, you forgot who you were dancing with. Your mind suddenly registered how Kuroo wasn’t here yet. He said he would come, so why didn’t he? You tried to tell yourself you didn’t care but you obviously did. You just wouldn’t let yourself know that.

Right as you finished convincing yourself youdidn’t care, someone answered the door and Kuroo walked in only to prove you wrong. His presence cancelled out everyone he walked past. His eyes landed on you and he froze briefly, going to grab a drink right after that. You brought your arms down from around the brown haired boy’s neck with whom you were dancing. You leaned in close, telling him you had fun before his grip on your waist dissolved and you walked to the kitchen, filling up your glass with champagne. You took a hit of the cigarette resting between your fingers before taking a sip.

“Hey.” You said to Kuroo. You didn’t look his way at all, but it was understood that you were talking to him.

“Hi.” He replied. Truthfully, he couldn’t focus on having a proper conversation right now. He was too busy being floored from seeing you like this. The way your dress perfectly showed off your shoulders, your waist, the curve of your hips, it was all an art of its own to him. He observed everything about you. He didn’t like you smoking though, because it would put your health at risk.

“I didn’t know you smoked” he said, trying not to sound too intrusive.

“I only smoke at parties. It feels better.” You said, taking another hit, closing your eyes to let out the smoke.

“You look beautiful...” he said, not expecting you to hear. You opened your eyes and turned your head to look at him.

“Thanks” you said, stepping closer. “Wanna dance with me?” You extended your hand to him and he took it.

Needless to say, the sudden invitation to dance with you left Kuroo shocked. You and him had been at parties simultaneously before, but you barely ever interacted. This time was different because you invited him, but he still couldn’t process it. Regardless, he had agreed so you led him to the dance floor. The music switched from an upbeat Spanish song to Moonlight byChase Atlantic. You smirked at Wendy, who was still monopolizing Terushima like he was hers already and you were convinced that they were already together. Your eyes went back to Kuroo’s and your arms went around his neck. Suddenly, you felt cold even though there were so many people around. You and Kuroo danced for quite a while, longer than you danced with anyone else. This earned jealous glances from others who wished they were in his place, but you couldn’t let him go for some reason. Instead, you wanted to take him somewhere else, so you did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to write another chapter! My chapters are a lot shorter than other writers but I can’t edit longer text and reread it to please forgive me! I hope to be back soon.


	8. party mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what happens when you fall into unrequited love?
> 
> I made a tiktok @kuroosbabyyyao3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for self harm and strong language 
> 
> playlist link- (someone please teach me how to do the fancy underline thing. I don’t understand.)
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7LUCWDoxe55d4IJDXZkxB6?si=cP5Sh5oYSB6gQoKBArgxAg

You put your hand on top of Kuroo’s which rested on your waist, using it to take him to your room. You were discrete since you knew you’d be in trouble if anyone saw you. You locked the door behind you, turning around to look at Kuroo. You didn’t bother turning the lights on, it was better like this anyway.

Kuroo was confused at first, quickly noticing what was happening a few seconds later. He realized the setting the two of you were in. This kind of thing was common at parties, especially for you-and he knew it. Every Monday there seemed to be a new rumor about you at school, but he never believed any of them. All of that aside, he wasn’t surprised that you pulled him into your room. There was obvious attraction between you and him. Unable to express how he felt in words, Kuroo grabbed your waist and pulled you closer until your faces were just a few inches from each other. You looked up at him and your hand impulsively gripped the front of this shirt to keep him close. You could feel his quickened heartbeat through the fabric of his shirt; it made you wonder how he’d look without it. Suddenly, you were overtaken by what you thought was lust and curiosity as you leaned in closer to him, letting your lips hover over his.

Kuroo’s head was filled with only you at this point. Feeling you this close, he couldn’t let the chance go to tell you how he felt. He closed the distance between your lips and his right that instant, not leaving you a moment to pull away. The previously loud music seemed to fade into the background. Your grip loosened on his shirt and your arms went around Kuroo’s neck, fingers becoming familiar with the way the dark strands of his hair behaved. His hands went up and down your back, then your sides. You felt surprisingly calm considering someone was this close to you. Usually, whenever you hooked up with someone, you felt anxious and a little scared. But right now, time felt like it had slowed down just for the two of you. Kuroo didn’t indicate that he wanted to go any further to your surprise. The kiss was slow, but you could feel the intensity of Kuroo’s emotions. He kissed you carefully, as if he was afraid to hurt you. Everything about him was unlike anyone you had kissed before. He was mindful of letting you breathe after a few seconds, whispering a small ”are you okay?” every now and then. His hands had reached your neck and his right thumb ran gentle strokes over your left cheek, his other hand resting on the nape of your neck. He pulled away after some time. You could see the red on his cheeks even in the dark.

“Are you really fine with this?” Kuroo asked, seeming concerned.

You were surprised at the sudden question but you didn’t let it show. He was probably saying that since the two of you went to the same school, but that didn’t matter to you all that much.

“Are you not?” You asked rhetorically, using your flirtatious voice as you twirled a strand of his hair around your middle finger. You knew he wanted this. He wanted you.

“How I feel isn’t the question. I asked if you were fine with this.” He repeated, sounding a lot more serious this time.

What was he on about, you wondered. If any other person was in Kuroo’s place, they would’ve started undressing you by now. He hadn’t even touched your exposed skin when he kissed you. He didn’t touch your thigh to signal that he wanted to take your dress off. He never acted the way others did around you, or the way you expected him to. You were used to twisting peoples’ words in a way that made them feel right, so your confusion was only natural when that didn’t work.

“I don’t want to hook up with you. Not if you’re unsure.” Kuroo stated, fixing his hair that was messed up by your own fingers. You just stared at him not knowing how to react. After a bit of thinking, you didn’t want to hook up with Kuroo either. You just felt obligated to get with someone now that you were at a party. It was the only way you knew to make yourself feel worth anything. You had always thought your body was the only thing of value. It was what you’d been taught, so much that it seemed to be fact. Nevertheless, that conversation was sure to embark a long session of thinking for you. Although before that, you had more immediate concerns. You didn’t understand why Kuroo had refused to hook up with you even though he liked you.

“Can you pretend this never happened, please?” You spoke in a low voice. You knew you were breaking his heart. You knew he liked you, but you didn’t feel anything for him. It was surely better to let him go than to lead him on, you had thought.

“Of course.” Kuroo said. You couldn’t bear to see the hurt in his eyes and the pain behind his gorgeous smile. He was oblivious of you knowing how he felt, but for some reason you still felt a little guilty as you watched him walk out and disappear into the extensive ocean of people in the living room. All that was left of him was the scent of his cologne in you and the tingly feeling from when his lips touched yours still lingering on your body.

You walked over to your mirror, staring at your reflection. You didn’t know that girl. You couldn’t even tell who the person staring back through the neat surface was. What were you? What did you like, or dislike? You didn’t know. You hadn’t learned much about yourself even after being alive for eighteen years. You didn’t even know if you were  alive . You just seemed to breathe over and over until the days passed you by. You were practically waiting for the tournament to be done.

_ Wow. You’re such a pathetic bitch. _

Your eyes widened and you looked around the room. You could swear you had heard someone say that, but there was nobody else in the room. It was when you looked back at your reflection that you realized she was laughing at you.

_ You whore. You actually thought someone would like you? Look at yourself. You’re an ugly piece of shit. _

A pause.

_ Not even your family loves you. _

You blinked once, your heart felt like it would jump out any second. A wave of confusion hit you and you started to feel tired. You leaned on the chair in front of your vanity for support and sat down, never looking away from your reflection. She still laughed. In fact, it seemed as if she found entertainment in seeing you like this. You felt like your lungs had closed up and there was no air left for you to breathe. Your hand went over your chest to see if your heart was even beating. It was, but you couldn’t feel your body. You just sat there, staring at yourself who said things to you, and you listened.

She was right though. You felt pathetic and purposeless. Why were you here? What were you doing? You knew nothing other than to loathe. Yourself, your family, others, the world-you had only learned that emotion. Every time you saw someone be happy or sad, you couldn’t tell how it would feel if you experienced that. It felt like someone had ripped a piece of you out and drained it in a faraway river where it couldn’t be found. The pain from asphyxia was excruciating at that point. You couldn’t even bring yourself to stand, so you stayed in that chair in front of your mirror. Continuing to look, even though you knew it would hurt more.

You needed to get rid of this pain; you couldn’t die yet. You opened your drawer and your eyes caught the razor in the back. Your fingers frantically secured around the long, thin handle. Before you could think you brought the blade into contact with your skin. The feeling of fresh blood revealing itself from underneath your scarless skin made you able to breathe again. You watched as more and more blood flowed from where you had made the cut. You looked in the mirror, seeing nothing but your own reflection this time. You stared a moment longer, but nothing happened. You reminisced the feeling of the cool metal against your skin and you missed the thrill of it already, so you brought the blade down on your skin once more.

Kuroo was drinking a glass of water as he talked to some people from his school, but his eyes kept wandering the room looking for you. He had speculated that you would leave the room not long after him, so he was a bit worried when you didn’t. He had waited for you to show up, but that was thirty minutes ago. Eventually, he couldn’t get the thought of you being in some kind of trouble out of his head and decided to go back to your room.

He walked down the hall to where you had taken him earlier, knocking your door when he reached it. He called out to you a couple of times, opening the door slowly when there was no response. He thought you were in the bathroom, but he wasn’t prepared for the sight that awaited him when he entered the room and turned the lights on.

-——————Thirty minutes prior———————

You smiled as you watched more and more blood pool out of your cuts. You continued onto the other arm all the way to your elbow. A few minutes passed and you started feeling a bit dizzy. That’s when you knew you had gone too far. You tried to put a healing spell on your cuts quickly, but your body couldn’t withstand another spell on top of the one you had put on your whole body before the party and you only managed to cover one arm. It was already taking so much energy to maintain that layering another spell on top of it in such a weak condition made you pass out without warning. You fell off the chair you were sitting on, and blood stained the white marble floor of your room in red.

———————————————————————-

Kuroo was in both shock and disbelief when he saw the person he admired so much on the floor, passed out from cutting her wrists to the point that blood still seeped out of the wounds. He pulled himself out of his frozen state, rushing to your side to observe the situation. Looking at your right arm, he noticed that the cuts were slowly healing and there wasn’t any active bleeding anymore which relieved him. Your healing spell was taking effect slowly, unbeknownst to him. He observed your left wrist what was left in a blanket of scars from the partial effect of your healing spell. He moved your hair and looked at your face, feeling tears in his eyes that threatened to fall when he saw trails of mascara on your cheeks. He picked you up and brought you to your bed, covering you with a blanket before he went to look for bandages for your right arm.

Kuroo returned to your side again, gently cleaning the blood off your arm as if he was scared to cause you the slightest of pain. He wrapped the white fabric around your cuts gingerly, securing it when he got to the end. His hand went over yours, holding it for some time. The reappearing warmth of your skin brought him some kind of comfort. You jostled awake from another nightmare a few minutes later. Kuroo’s grip on your hand tightened on its own when he saw you like that. You took in a breath, looking to your right where he was. He let go of your hand, remembering your last encounter and snapping back to reality. You couldn’t bring yourself to say anything. Rather, you didn’t know what to say when you saw how intricately your arm was covered in bandages. Kuroo had saved you once again.

“The universe just doesn’t give you a break when it comes to me, huh.” You said plainly, staring at your hands.

“I just came to check on you since you didn’t come outside.” Kuroo responded, not knowing what else to say other than that.

“Don’t worry about me too much. I’ll be fine.” You stated, confidently moving your injured arm earning a worried glance from Kuroo. “Go back. Don’t ruin your night because of me.” You meant it. It always felt like his life was intertwined with yours and it made him suffer.

“Obviously I’m worried...you can’t just let this go that easy.” He said in a low volume.

“I’m sorry-“ You started, looking for the correct words to complete your sentence. “You always get involved into my mess of a life somehow.” You smiled at him apologetically.

Your astonishment was unimaginable when instead of answering with words, Kuroo pulled you into a hug. His arms secured around you and his forehead rested on your bare shoulder. You weren’t one for physical affection, but this felt safe, and it made you feel calm. There was nothing else, just the two of you there, holding each other. You could feel Kuroo breathe heavily as if he tried to keep himself from crying. You might’ve actually cried too if you weren’t such an emotionless bitch, but your heart was going a million miles per hour trying to rationalize the way you felt right now.

“Don’t go through this alone. Please.” You heard Kuroo say. He whispered to keep his voice from cracking. He still didn’t pull away and you were grateful because your eyes widened when he said that. You couldn’t recall the last time you had slipped up, someone caught you cutting, and was so calm about it. He didn’t make you feel ashamed for suffering. He didn’t ridicule you or joke about it even though he could benefit from this. People would believe him if he told them you were a depressed whore who fucked random people in the night and the rumors were true, then why didn’t he take advantage of that? You didn’t know, but you knew he was ready to be there whenever you needed him. Right as the thought entered your mind, it became reality.

“You can talk to me if you want. You enjoyed when we went out too, right?” Kuroo said in a voice lathered with pain. He waited for you to answer and you nodded, not being able to talk.

“Then we can keep talking. Tell me whatever you need to. I’ll be there to listen, I promise.” He finished, hugging you a little tighter as his voice broke on the words “ I promise”.

“I haven’t had people keep their promises with me.” You spoke finally. It was the truth. How could you trust him with the darkest parts of you? But at the same time, you enjoyed his company. You enjoyed figuring him out, and the way he treated you like you were human. Not as a royal, or a witch, or a captain, just a human.

You pulled away, not wanting to but having to. Kuroo kept his arms around you, not accepting the fact that he needed to leave you. Your eyes met Kuroo’s bright ones, and all you saw was worry. It was as if he wanted you to make this one exception. He wanted you to trust him. You still had a hard time believing he was this good to you. Especially when your head tried to convince you otherwise. But you put it all to rest momentarily. That night, along with that moment had saved you without you knowing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Feel free to leave ideas for where you think the story will go.


	9. after hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> freedom is beautiful, but what about those left behind?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a tiktok! @kuroosbabyyyao3 ;)  
> come talk to me there. I post updates daily.
> 
> Also, someone made a playlist for this fic and it’s perfect so here’s the link again.   
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6JKFDnrKtRQU9GoE5TpCMj?si=0644Wv9TQWCwdbgXUBq3UQ

You woke up to your alarm the following Monday, getting out of bed to brush your teeth. You redid your spell and got dressed before heading to the café to get some coffee. As you waited for your order, you opened your messages that were booming with notifications from people you didn’t even know. Among them you noticed Kuroo’s name pop up and you opened the chat to respond to him.

-Kuroo (1)-

Kuroo: _Good morning. Are you coming to school today?_

I guess he wonders if I’m feeling alright. The thought made you smile.

You: _Yeah. I’m on my way._

You got back into your car after picking up your coffee and drove to Nekoma. There was a crowd of people in front of the school waiting for you to pull up, as if they wanted to RSVP for them next time they’d get to be in your house. It was always like that after a party. Everyone knew about it the day after. As you walked through the halls, you saw people comment on videos of you and your friends yelling the lyrics to a Spanish song. This was a small price to pay considering worse things had happened that night. In each of your classes there were people expressing their regret when they weren’t invited hoping for you to apologize and include them on your “friends list” but you paid them no mind. Everyone wanted to know the rich girl, and that’s all you meant to them.

School ended and you got ready to head to volleyball practice. You ran to the bathroom to change and redo your spell, slipping some wristbands on to hide the areas you hurt even though there were no scars. You didn’t want Kuroo to realize the marks were just gone. He would be sure to question you if he realized

Practice ended quickly that day. Your team was all set for the prelims and the matches would start in a week, which relieved you. You changed back into uniform and headed to your car, driving home only to leave for the ice rink again. Skating practice wasn’t very eventful either, since you had revised your routine as much as you could. The only issue was that no matter what, you couldn’t bring yourself to like how it looked. In the end, you gave up and headed home for the night. 

You unlocked your door, turning the lock from inside to make sure it was locked after you stepped in. For some reason, your mind replayed how you had walked to your entrance with blood on your foot and Kuroo had caught you right as you fell. You weren’t able to tell why that was significant right now, but thinking about him wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t change the fact that you still hated yourself for what happened the other night. You still wanted to apologize to him, tell him you would never be able to make him happy. You were too damaged for that. You had no worth, no importance to anyone. Besides, no one who associated with you ended up living long after. That’s why the underground loved you. 

You put your bag down and stepped into the shower. As you let the hot water run over your body, you were occupied with the thoughts of all the times someone had wound up dead because of you. The earliest memory of something like that was when you were twelve. You were still living in the castle with your family. You had a maid that was your age named Varina, and you had taken a liking to her. You could still vividly picture her porcelain skin and her brown hair neatly tied back, just how your mother preferred it. You recalled how she referred to you as “your highness” or another noble title no matter how many times you told her not to. Before you realized, you had fallen in love with her, whatever that meant at the time. She brought you comfort, made you feel complete. And when one starry night, your lips connected with her soft ones for the first time, you knew that was how love was meant to be. 

All of that lasted about a month,because soon your mother caught on to the fact that something was different. She noticed that you were learning at a faster pace which while it made her happy, also made her curious. After putting every working maid in the castle under a truth spell, she eventually discovered your “affair” with Varina. Her first reaction was to get the girl executed by beheading right that moment. Just like that, you lost your first love before your eyes. Making sure you were unable to mourn her death, you returned to learning magic right away. Though no matter how much time passed, the image of Varina’s ethereal smile stays burned in your memory like it was an hour ago. You still regret the fact that you’d never be able to hear your name in her voice. 

Another instance of someone falling into the arms of eternal sleep because of you would be after you managed to escape the castle. You started breezing through your mother’s training regimen, even picking up forbidden dark magic books every now and then. At fifteen years of age was when your attempt to flee finally succeeded. The night was dark, and you had set up a pentagram for protection. You had discussed your plan with a trusted friend who was a palace guard. At that point, you were way beyond your mother’s power. You gathered everything that was necessary and fled to Japan on a one way flight, never looking back. All you took with you were some documents, your black card and a ring from the guard with his initials inscribed into it. 

Everything went downhill after you landed in Japan and got a house. There were issues with your age, of course, but you had enough money to pay off anyone who got in your way. The last thing you wanted to go through back then was having to live with people you didn’t even know. A few days passed and you kept an eye on the news for anything that might give you a hint on how things were back at the castle. 

It was a Thursday night when you saw the news. All palace guards of the main gate had been executed. Including the boy who’s ring stayed on your finger all the time out of respect. You felt like hexing everyone who killed and supported killing those innocent people, but some part of you knew that your mother was behind this feat too. Some part of you still loved her. Some part of you still acknowledged her as your mother even though she never gifted you anything but lament. 

You stepped out of the shower after your thoughts were interrupted by another overtake of anxiety on your fatigued body. You opened your laptop to do some work, instead reviewing a call from a familiar number. One you never saved but had memorized anyway. 

“What is it?” You asked, knowing what “it” was. 

“Party next weekend. I’ll send the address.” The male on the other end spoke. 

“Who’s going to be there?” You asked needing to know so you could decide whether or not you had to go

“Everyone. The head of the yakuza personally asked me to invite you. Says he wants to gamble or something.” He answered.

“Tell him I’m in. See you then.” You confirmed, hanging up. Such calls weren’t meant to last long. Besides, what did a man like the head want from you? You had affiliations with the yakuza ever since you moved to Japan. Surely, people like them wouldn’t just ignore someone as rich as you moving to the capital of Japan, and you found the underground interesting so you joined hands with them. It was true that your childhood was difficult, but your family was also blessed with an abundance of money due to their power over other countries. Naturally, you also shared a lot of that wealth and no one could take it from you. You had gotten all your money transferred into another account so you couldn’t be tracked or found and it was working. You worked on some assignments for the next hour or so, then got ready to go to sleep.

That was until you got a text message from Kuroo. You wondered what it was about so you opened it to respond.

Kuroo: _Hey_.

Kuroo: _Can you maybe meet me sometime? I need help with my essay for English. I can’t get the thesis right_

You: _Sure. Can you come over? I have skating practice this whole week. I can help you after that though._

Kuroo: _Of course. Does tomorrow work?_

You: _Yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow._

Kuroo: _Goodnight_

You: _goodnight._

You put your phone down, think of how eventful this week was compared to the last. It was only Monday, but you already had a lot to think about-especially the yakuza party. Having to wear a dress didn’t worry you since it was basically an unspoken rule to wear black and silk clothing at such gatherings so it wasn’t really a choice. What worried you was the fact that you needed to bring someone with you, for safety reasons and also so you could save yourself from all the middle aged men trying to get you to go home with them.

Which meant, you needed a _date_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! Feel free to comment and lmk how you liked this chapter :)


	10. fortunate cacophony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when you see a composed soul, do  
> you wish to see it at its worst?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took long aaaa I was trying to explain everything properly and it actually ended up so long.  
> Spotify link:  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6JKFDnrKtRQU9GoE5TpCMj?si=E3hQPGY-SMC9Yw7LaxH7nA
> 
> Anyway talk to me on tiktok @kuroosbabyyyao3

You looked in the mirror, making sure your hair looked fine before leaving for school but you couldn’t stop thinking about who to bring to the party. Usually you’d take Wendy with you to such parties. She was great with reading the room and leaving before things got too dangerous. The issue was that she had an exam next week that she needed to study for and she couldn’t come with you. She had suggested that you take Kuroo, but how would that even go? How were you supposed to explain to a person you barely knew that you were involved with the largest underground mafia organization in Japan?

On the other hand, you did see why she made that suggestion. Kuroo was a person who would make sure the person next to him was safe no matter what. You knew his intentions from the night of the party. It just felt odd that you trusted him with your life even though you had only known him properly for about a month. Regardless, you decided to forget about it until he came over later tonight.

Everything went as usual at school. You got home from volleyball practice and got ready to head to the ice rink. You grabbed your keys and locked the front door only to unlock your car soon after. The drive to the rink went fast and so did the rehearsal. Everyone ran their short programs as well as the free skate for the later part of the competition. You changed back into your shoes, letting your feet rest for the time being. You drove straight back to your place, remembering that Kuroo would be coming over soon. You stepped into the shower and came out as quickly as your body would allow you to, putting on some nicer clothes than what you’d usually wear at home. 

Suddenly you became aware of the fact that you were dressing up for someone else voluntarily. It felt peculiar, but exciting at the same time. That was also when you realized you had never done this before. It was always something mandatory: parties, balls, family gatherings, all of those were duties. This felt different-so casual, yet equally thrilling. You had just fixed your hair when the doorbell rang and you walked over, opening the door to Kuroo standing at the doorstep with his bag and two coffees.

“Hey...” he started, walking in since you had already stepped aside for him to come in.

“Hey. You’re pretty punctual.” You remarked, considering he was right on time.

“It’s better than being late.” He replied as he sat down on the couch. His eyes went to the two cups of coffee on the table and he spoke again “Oh, this is for you.” He said, sliding one over to where you sat across from him.

You thanked him then, but later noticed that he had gotten you the same drink you ordered when you met him at the café. You looked his way quickly but he didn’t seem to notice because he was already busy opening the essay file on his laptop. You were glad he didn’t, knowing you might’ve smiled a little. You sipped your coffee and the two of you started talking about the essay. He really was confused, guess English wasn’t really his best subject. Either way, the essay was done pretty fast once he knew what to write. Time must’ve flown by because before the two of you knew it, the clock read 10:45pm.

“I’m sorry for staying so long. You’re probably tired from practice too.” Kuroo said apologetically after his essay was done.

“Don’t be. I don’t sleep much anyway.” You reassured him, though that may have been more concerning considering he looked even more sad.

“I’m glad I could help. Tell me when it’s graded.” You added.

“I will, thanks. I’ll be leaving now-“ He got up. 

“Wait. I have something to ask you.” You stopped him mid-sentence, remembering you still needed to fill him in about that yakuza party. He sat back down, more attentive than ever.

“So, I really don’t know how to start this.” You said, sitting across from him again. “I need to ask if you can do something for me.” You spoke nervously. After all, what way was there to explain to Kuroo that you wanted to take him to a party...involving the yakuza?

“After all your help, I’d actually like to repay you. Besides, I’m free for the week since this essay is done” He insisted, knowing the brief wasn’t over yet.

“Then, will you come to a party with me?” You finally said.

“What party? Just tell me as it is.” Kuroo said as he watched you struggle to talk.

The next few minutes were spent with you trying your best to form coherent sentences out of your thoughts. Obviously, you knew that party and the people in it were both dangerous and the last thing you wanted was to get someone hurt because of you again. However, no matter what you added, Kuroo seemed convinced. Like there was no more explanation needed. He understood that you wouldn’t want to be there alone for reasons you didn’t want to speak about.

“No really, I’ll go. When is it?” He asked again after you had tried to talk him out of it.

“This Saturday, 8pm. I’ll drive us there.” You answered, completely defeated in front of his resilience.It was admirable, really. You explained what he should wear, since it was common courtesy to wear black. Kuroo never failed to amaze you. He seemed to notice every little detail about those around him. Maybe that was what made him so likable, apart from his calm demeanor and careful way of talking. He left soon after that, and you stood in the doorway until he disappeared out of sight.

The week flew by and soon it was Saturday. Once again, you found yourself picking out a black dress with Wendy’s help. She picked one with a silky texture and thin straps. The hem was cut by a small slit on the right side and the dress fell to your thighs. You really wished a longer gown would work but this was a serious matter since you’d be meeting the head so you didn’t say anything. Wendy went back to her place to study and you started getting dressed, making sure your eyeliner was a bit longer and your lipstick a bit darker than usual. It couldn’t hurt to be a little intimidating at such an event. As for shoes, you opted for black heels that made you almost equal to Kuroo in height. The doorbell rang right as you thought of him and you grabbed your bag, rushing over to open the door to Kuroo standing there once more.

The only difference was that he was dressed in a black suit with a silk shirt underneath that had a texture similar to your dress. His hair was done neatly and he had a pleasant cologne clinging to him. You turned the lights off and the two of you walked to your car, making small talk to avoid doing something about the tension that was so clearly present between you and him. Kuroo opened the door for you, taking you very much by surprise but you smiled and thanked him.

“So, where are we headed?” Kuroo asked once he got in the car.

“It’s an old club that’s supposed to be shut down. Only they know about it.” You answered.

The rest of the drive was filled with anticipation. Both you and Kuroo fed off stolen glances at each other, otherwise looking straight ahead or somewhere else. It surely didn’t help when a love song played on the radio, but soon you arrived and Kuroo stepped out first again to open the door for you.

“You don’t have to do all of that.” You laughed. 

“It’s okay. I want to.” He replied, very clear about what he meant.

The two of you headed inside and you got chills as Kuroo’s arm went around your waist, bringing you close to him. You let yourself grab onto his arm as you headed towards the private suite where the head of the yakuza would he waiting for you. The last time you saw that man definitely wasn’t the best interaction but you tried to forget about it for now. Sure enough, right as you entered the dimly lit room you saw the “Boss” sitting on a leather couch, smoking a cigar. Nobody knew what his real name was. He always asked to be referred to as his title and no one was foolish enough to try and find out his name anyway. He gestured for you to sit down and you took a seat across from him with Kuroo right next to you.

“I see you’ve brought a new face this time.” He said, giving Kuroo and up-down look.

“You’re aware that I don’t like waiting, so why don’t we get to the point?” You suggested, taking a fresh cigarette from the table and lighting it. You were known for twisting words like strings to make sure everything went your way. It was most likely why the Boss associated with you even though you weren’t an active member of the yakuza.

“Yes, you’ve always been straightforward.” He answered, signaling his assistant to bring whatever game you’d be playing with him tonight. “We’ll get right into it, then.” He spoke again as the assistant placed a deck of cards in front of him.

“May I see the deck?” You asked, picking it up. “It looks very elegant. Where is it from?” You renarked, quickly enchanting it to see if there was any magic done on it. The yakuza had their methods to get to magic, but they’d probably only use it for harm. Luckily, there was nothing done to the cards and you returned them with thanks for letting you see them.

“Now then, shall we start?” The Boss stated, sliding you your hand of cards which happened to be quite good.

“How much?” You asked looking down at your cards.

Knowing you were referring to how much money was on this game, the Boss smiled and stated “you decide.”

You shrugged, knowing no loss of money would matter to you. You had a lot more than enough money in your bank accounts, but that also gave you an edge over him. You could say any number-no matter how high, and he’d have to agree to not hurt the name of the yakuza.

“Ten billion won sounds pretty average.” You announced proudly. The look in Kuroo’s eyes that he didn’t show in his face was entertaining, but not more than the expression on the Boss’ face. The color drained from his wrinkled cheeks but he immediately agreed. Too bad for him, poker was your game.

About thirty minutes later, you and Kuroo walked out of the room as the old man called the Boss watched his life flash before his eyes while he signed you a check for ten billion won. You took the check form his assistant with a smile and a “have a great night!”, knowing full well none of them would sleep tonight.

“How did you do that?” Kuroo asked, smiling wide as he looked at you fixing your lipstick in a small hand mirror.

“It’s what I do.” You said nonchalantly, looking back at him and smiling back. “C’mon, let’s go get a drink.” You said, signaling for him to come along.

The two of you walked to the bar together and Kuroo looked around every now and then to see if anyone shady was too close to you. As you leaned over the counter at the bar to order drinks, a tall blonde girl sat next to Kuroo and you recognized her. She had bright red lipstick on, but her platinum blonde hair and silver eyes only confirmed her identity. It was none other than Alisa Haiba, the top model. She touched Kuroo’s shoulder to get him to look at her. At first, they just made small talk. She mentioned that she knew him from all the games she went to. It didn’t bother you until she tried to get Kuroo to go home with her.

“No, really. I can show you a good time if you let me...” she began, tracing the collar of Kuroo’s silk shirt and hooking her finger in his gold necklace. Her black manicure shined in the lighting of the club. You just observed. You had no right to stop Kuroo after what you said to him at your party a week ago. You were convincedhe’d go, why wouldn’t he? Alisa was everything any girl wanted to be.Tall, beautiful and flirtatious, she was the whole package.

“I’m sorry. I have a girlfriend.” Kuroo replied plainly, removing your hand from around your glass and interlocking your fingers with his. His hand felt warm and the touch sent waves of heat all over your body. You just looked at him in shock, trying to process what he was doing. Alisa seemed irritated and finished the conversation soon after that, walking over to a few girls and chatting them up instead.

“You should’ve gone. Why don’t you?” You asked nervously.

“I didn’t want to. I came here with you for a reason.” He answered, coming a little closer so you could hear him.

“You didn’t have to stay. The game is over-” You insisted.

“Doesn’t matter.” He said firmly, looking directly at you. “I don’t _want_ her.” Your hand was still in his, and his thumb traced lines on the back of it. You breathed in, downing another shot to ignore his intense eyes. It was true that Karoo had done a few shots, but you could tell all of his decisions were completely rational.

“Whatever. I want to leave.” You said suddenly. You were truthfully speechless about Kuroo’s actions. You knew he was responsible, but you didn’t expect him to pass up the chance to sleep with _the_ Alisa Haiba. Also, calling you his girlfriend-it didn’t leave your head after he said it.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a drunken man pulling you up by the arm. He gripped your thigh firmly and tried to take you somewhere else but you released yourself from his grip quickly, stepping away from him. Before you could think any more, Kuroo pulled you outside the venue and to your car.

“I’ll drive. You must be tired.” He said calmly, though you could still hear how frustrated he was. He extended his hand out for you to give him the car keys.

“Sure.” You whispered, tossing him the keys. You were in no state to argue right now. He still opened the door for you first, making you smile a little. He got into the driver’s seat himself, taking his coat off and handing it to you to wear. You gladly took it from him, not being able to stand the marks of the man’s fingers on your upper arm. Little did you know Kuroo couldn’t either. The scent of Kuroo’s cologne surrounded you. You looked down at your legs, at the bruise where he had grabbed you. Kuroo unbuttoned the first two buttons of his shirt along with his sleeves, rolling them up and starting the car. You didn’t say a word to him, neither did he. He seemed disturbed about something ever since the two of you left. The drive back was filled with anticipation too, just another kind. You didn’t want to part with him just yet. Somehow, this version of Kuroo had such an impact on you that even you couldn’t understand. You had searched for the thing that would make him snap, and it felt like you found it. Your only doubt was why he would go that far to protect you.

Kuroo parked the car in your garage with ease, his eyes meeting yours in the front mirror making you shiver. He stepped out first and you waited for him to open the door for you, this being the last time he’d do that. You didn’t want it to be. You wanted more with him: you wanted to know him. Maybe you wanted to _touch_ him too.

Kuroo walked with you to your doorstep and you unlocked your door. It didn’t matter if he saw the passcode. He practically knew it by now. He started to say goodnight, but you interrupted him.

“Come in.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re getting to itttt yeah  
> I post daily updates on chapters on tiktok so follow me :) @kuroosbabyyyao3


	11. let you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how far?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk to me on tiktok @kuroosbabyyyao3  
> Spotify playlist https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6JKFDnrKtRQU9GoE5TpCMj?si=Y87P_Y-STYaGpbu7i81LJQ

The two of you went inside, and you were quick to grab a bottle of wine along with two glasses. Without any words the two of you drank. There was some type of peace in the room as you watched Kuroo pour some wine into his glass from across the table. You were quite the heavy drinker, so you didn’t hesitate tonight.

You emptied your wine glass yet again, filling it right away. Kuroo did the same. The only difference was that you drank to forget, maybe even restrict yourself from doing what your head told you to. For him it was different. He drank to gain the courage to try and ask you about the scars that had disappeared from your wrist.

“You look like you want to say something?” You said, noticing Kuroo’s constant glances at your hand.

“Yeah...I-“ he ran a hand through his hair, unable to find the words to ask his question.

“Is it about the scars from that night?” You said suddenly, earning a shocked expression from Kuroo.

“How did you-“ he started, giving up since he figured you knew anyway. “Yeah.”

“I know this sounds crazy” you put your glass down to try and compose yourself “but is this a good time to tell you I’m a witch?” You laughed at the look of sheer confusion on Kuroo’s face.

He wasn’t capable of talking, so he didn’t. Instead he put his glass down, got up and came to sit next to you on the couch. Your eyes caught his as his hands found the wrist you had cut that night a week ago. His heart leapt when he thought of what he wanted to do. His eyes went down to your wrist and his thumb made lines over the area where veins and arteries already decorated the inside of your skin.

“What about this?” He asked finally, looking down at your hand and then your eyes.

You didn’t answer with words. Instead, you kept your eyes on his as if to say “watch”. He understood, observing as you undid the cloaking spell on your wrist and the new reddish lines along with older ones showed up again.

“There was a spell covering them.” You answered quietly.

Kuroo seemed amazed by his new discovery about you. He repeatedly ran his fingers over the area to make sure he wasn’t just too drunk and hallucinating. The indentation where your skin was slashed and his quickened heartbeat made him sure it was all real.

“That’s how I’ll cover this too.” You added, touching the finger like bruises on your thigh. When Kuroo was reminded of that scene at the party, his fury led him to hold you once more, just as he had after he bandaged you the night of your party. You eased into his embrace quickly, letting yourself rest on his shoulder for a moment.

“I’m sorry that happened. I should’ve protected you.” You heard him say. He sounded as if he really regretted it. His soft voice laced with such emotion made your heart race, but you caught yourself. This was no time to be playing little games. You knew your life didn’t matter anymore. There was nothing to lose.

“It’s fine. It doesn’t matter.” You said jokingly. Kuroo was shocked. “Don’t worry about it.” You added reassuringly, trying to reduce Kuroo’s guilt. Little did you know you only made him feel worse. The careless nature you had concerning your own life made him want to shake you and tell you what you meant to him.

He was at a loss for words once again, his body taking matters into its own custody. He pulled away and tears were visible in his eyes, ready to fall. The sight of him broke something inside you, letting out an unprecedented sorrow. Kuroo rested his forehead against yours, whispering a small “I’m sorry” before kissing you. His lips felt warm compared to your cold skin. You kissed him back as if out of habit, instantly holding onto him as tears flowed from his eyes, leaving a salty taste on his lips.

“Don’t cry.” You said, almost pleading as you wiped the tears off his face. You didn’t know why but you didn’t like seeing him cry. It was agonizing, like someone had chopped off a piece of you.

Kuroo took a moment to calm down but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. You cursed yourself in your head. You were the one who had wished to see what would make him snap. This was your fault, yet again. You couldn’t take the thought of making someone who only helped you cry any more. It made your eyes wet with newly brewed tears, causing you to shiver.

“Go ahead.” Kuroo whispered, hands going under the coat he gave you earlier to hold your waist. He pulled you closer, and you left your arms around his neck from when he kissed you.

“Cry. You need to.” He repeated in a persuasive tone. Only then did you realize that was why he cried so much. It pained him-how far you were from being in touch with your own feelings. You wanted to cry so badly at that moment, but nothing happened. You couldn’t feel any tears form or fall. You held onto Kuroo’s silk shirt, frustrated.

“I can’t” you whispered, afraid your voice would break if you talked. “I can’t.”

“It’s okay. I’ll stay with you tonight.” Kuroo replied, stroking your hair. He pulled you onto his lap; his eyes were set on yours as he looked for any signs of tears. He didn’t want to see you cry, obviously, but he knew you were holding your emotions back. That was self deprecating on its own.

You struggled to form thoughts for how you felt right now. Overcome by raw emotion, you initiated the next kiss taking Kuroo by surprise. He swiftly kissed back, the feeling pushing you over the edge somehow. Your eyes filled with tears and your cheeks soon became wet as years and years of trapped feelings found their own liberation. You pulled away, breathless from crying so much.

“It’s okay. Cry as much as you need to.” Kuroo assured, capturing you in another soft kiss. He picked you up and carried you to your bedroom, putting you on the bed and pulling away. He smiled at you and it triggered even more minutes of crying for you. Kuroo wiped your tears away patiently, kissing your temple so gently it made your heart forget to beat.

“You should change into something more comfortable.” He suggested, fingers still tangled in your hair.

A few minutes later, you had changed into a random top and sweats. Kuroo borrowed some of your clothes too. Luckily it wasn’t much of an issue since you and him were only a few sizes apart. You could feel the effect of all the wine you ingested earlier on both you and Kuroo. You pulled him into the bed, feeling like you could knock out. You hadn’t been with someone like this before. There were no expectations tonight.

Kuroo got under the huge comforter you slept in, bringing you closer to him without saying a word. You could feel his heart beating fast beneath the shirt he wore. He closed his eyes to fall asleep but also to avoid looking at you this close. He was convinced he would fall in love even more, if that was possible. You looked at his relaxed expression, observing his long eyelashes, the slight curve on the bridge of his nose and the sharpness of his jaw. You couldn’t skip staring at his lips even though you tried. The feeling from when he kissed you came back as if urging you to do it again.

You kissed Kuroo softly first, then realizing what you had done. His eyes fluttered open as you got on top of him. Your hands entertained themselves with his shoulders and hair. Then, for some God forsaken reason you started crying again. Kuroo kissed your lips over and over, pausing in between to let you breathe until you calmed down.

You didn’t feel sad, quite literally the opposite. You felt so at ease it was scary for you. Your heart didn’t beat fast because you were scared. In fact, you had invited a  _man_ to stay with you with no sex involved. The whole thing seemed hilarious. You knew what you were feeling, this warmth spreading inside you indicated something was going on.

Something with Kuroo... _because_ of him.

You pulled away and looked at Kuroo’s eyes, the gold hue shone in the light from your bedside lamp. He did the same and his hand found yours, kissing your freezing knuckles one by one. You rested your head on his shoulder again. Your arms couldn’t handle being used anymore. The two of you stayed there a while, you watching as Kuroo adoringly kissed you anywhere he could right now: your hands and your face. His lips lingered near your jaw for a second, hesitant to move any lower to your neck.

“Go ahead.” You said, running your hand over your collarbone. Kuroo touched your face, fingers moving down to the side of your neck. The feeling of blood rushing through your veins through slight pulses made him shiver. His lips met your skin at that spot, transferring the shivers he felt onto you now. The warmth of his body made you drowsy, as if you’d downed a whole bottle of champagne. Kuroo continued leaving small tingles everywhere he kissed you, from your jawline to your collarbone. You sighed occasionally, admiring how slow he went. You felt everything tenfold tonight. There was a vulnerability between you and Kuroo. You didn’t put up a front, you wouldn’t be able to even if you tried. You let yourself be like this. It was surreal, like a nice dream to break the streak of your nightmares. 

“Should I stop?” Kuroo asked, noticing how little you responded to him.

“No. Keep going.” You answered plainly, getting the point across when your eyes met his.

A small “okay” was all he said before moving your hair away from your ear as he moved to the other side of your neck now. You moved your hands down his back, easily able to feel his toned muscles through the fabric. Kuroo’s lips moved in systematic rhythm down your neck until he reached the area right above the neckline of your top. His fingers brushed over the skin he had gone over, but you didn’t want him to stop here.

You motioned for Kuroo to stop so you could take the shirt he wore off his torso. He let you, eyes widening as you removed your top. You brought your hand to the nape of his neck, pulling him down and kissing him hard. You felt his warm hands go up and down your sides, touching all the skin between your bra and waistband. Kuroo took the hint, wasting no time after he pulled away. He continued kissing you more, even at the top of each breast before he moved further down to your abdomen. His hands explored the defined lines that had formed from playing sports and working out regularly. He held his breath in admiration when your muscles clenched under the soft touch of his lips and your hands stopped moving for a moment. Another sigh escaped you as Kuroo repeated the action until you grew used to the unfamiliar sensation. He moved up to kiss you on the lips again, slow as ever. You enjoyed it though, the way you could distinguish where each touch was placed.

You felt greedy like never before as you looked at Kuroo in front of you. You wanted to do more with him. He left you imagining what would happen if you allowed him to go further. There was no reason to stop.

“Take it off.” You ordered, placing his hand where your bra was held intact by its clip. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and sorry for the edging again lols :)  
> tiktok @kuroosbabyyyao3 come DM me


	12. our moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> moments don’t last forever, do they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -HELLO PEOPLE sorry for taking so long. I was bombarded with college work ahaha. Thank you for tuning in again.   
> -My tiktok is @kuroosbabyyyao3 come give me ideas and I might include them!!   
> -We’re so close to 1k hits whattttt   
> -Anyway enjoy   
> -Spotify playlist (it goes so hard)  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6JKFDnrKtRQU9GoE5TpCMj?si=Y7UFyIQ0T1SqllZR7SfUrA

Kuroo grabbed your hand from behind your back, bringing it to his lips instead of doing what you had asked. You didn’t understand why he had stopped at the time. He left his hand in yours for quite some time, all as he leaned closer to you and examined your eyes for a moment. His lips moved and you thought you heard him whisper something like “you’re so pretty” but it escaped your mind soon after. 

“This should be first.” Kuroo stated, hooking his thumb in the waistband of your pants. You weren’t shocked; you had suspected this side of him to come out eventually. He was already shirtless. Between all that Kuroo did for you, you couldn’t help taking your shirt off him. You might have wanted to feel his defined arms that showed through this whole time but that was besides the point. His paper clip chain stayed close to his neck, conveniently.close to your fingers. His neck looked more tempting than ever. You kissed him, then moving up to kiss the area behind his ear. The shift of roles startled him but he quickly gave in to you. You moved lower, leaving marks on his neck on purpose. Kuroo’s hand squeezed yours, keeping him from making any sort of noise

You let go for now, not wanting to come off as too dominant. That was always the issue after all. All the men you were with expected you to lay back and moan for them as they did absolutely nothing. You sighed, hoping you hadn’t made an expression that would tell Kuroo what you were thinking. Luckily, it didn’t seem like he knew. The next few minutes were spent in silence with only the sound of the comforter shifting while Kuroo took your pants off, showering your thighs with a generous amount of kisses. You couldn’t help but think about how his tongue would feel on your skin as he got closer and closer to your clit. Your hands roamed his toned back, occasionally tangling in his dark hair. You became more and more immersed in whatever was going on between you and him by the second. It didn’t feel the way you had expected. The atmosphere was calm, it was easy to breathe. Kuroo didn’t alarm you the same way others you slept with did, but you already knew that.

You lost track of time, your eyes closed as your body relaxed under Kuroo’s soft hands and lips. He must have noticed you were tired and he pulled himself up to kiss your temple. You didn’t respond to see how he would react.

_This could be fun._

“Sleep well.” He whispered in your ear, fixing your hair and kissing your hand before laying down beside you. You waited, expecting him to ask you for something-anything. You couldn’t fathom why he didn’t take advantage of your almost unconscious state. It was no secret that anyone else in his place would’ve stripped you all the way. You opened your eyes without moving, looking over at Kuroo who looked like he was already almost asleep. He didn’t move, which made you think he was fully asleep. You got closer to him out of curiosity, observing how long his eyelashes were and how his skin shone in the dim lights. Your hand suddenly decided to push back a strand of his hair. The action made your heart race and filled your head with thoughts of him. 

You prepared to go to sleep, getting ready to turn the opposite way when Kuroo pulled you close to him suddenly. You realized he must’ve been awake the whole time you were staring, the fact not leaving you with any confidence to refuse his embrace. Besides, you could use a hug right now. 

“Are you comfortable?” You heard him say in a sleepy voice while he lay his head back on one of the many pillows filling your bed.

“I’m fine.” You answered slowly, not knowing how to respond.

The intricacy of Kuroo’s words was too shocking to you. How could someone come off as so considerate? You had never brought him comfort, yet he came back to you every time. His presence was like a breath of fresh air. You could feel your mind get rid off the random thoughts that kept storming through like overly loud background music. Regardless, you had to admit that this was the first time you’d felt this sleepy without any supplements. You turned to face Kuroo fully now, noticing he was already asleep-for real this time. You touched his cheek, fingers met with warm skin that sent chills right through you. You couldn’t help but notice how the wine-colored marks where you kissed him stood out on his neck. You touched his neck for a second, also warm to the sensation as live blood pulsed through him right under the skin. You got into a nice position and fell asleep quickly, maybe the fastest you ever had.

You walked through the vast corridors of the castle that was once your residence. The place was lit dimly, much like dusk. You spotted a familiar door decorated with delicate patterns that were surely handcrafted by the most talented artist. Upon opening that door, you were met with a younger version of you. There were papers everywhere, covering the clean floor. There was no doubt that this was a scene of you practicing magic. She cried on the floor as her-and your- mother told her to get up.

_“You’re really no use to the family like this!”_ You took in your mother’s shrill, loud voice.

The room shattered like glass once your mother’s hand touched you. You could feel the pain of that child in your present self. Your head filled with your mother’s voice saying the same thing repeatedly and it made you feel as if you would pass out even though this was a dream. You struggled to open your eyes, finally doing so after several attempts.

Your heart was beating fast and you could feel the sweat trickle down your jaw. You felt thirsty which was pretty normal for you after a nightmare. However, you couldn’t get up for some reason. You wanted to move but you couldn’t no matter what you tried. Overcome with panic, you tried looking around. You expected to see familiar things since you knew you were in your room, but instead you saw the huge painting on the wall that used to be in your old room at the castle.

_“You can’t escape me...no matter what.”_ You heard a familiar voice say. It was your mother. 

You were terrified. You couldn’t take the horror of being there again. Your body and soul filled with fear; you shrieked with all the air you had in your lungs hoping to escape the state of paralysis. Shortly after, you were sitting in your bed, half naked as you felt streams of tears wet your cheeks. The act of crying was still new to you. You brought your hand to your face to wipe your eyes, but another did that right before you. You looked to your right where Kuroo slept, who was now awake. His hand rested on your wet cheek after wiping your eyes. He took your hand with his other one, rubbing it a little to comfort you. You rested your head on his arm and he brought you in for a hug. Your effort to calm down was definitely aided by Kuroo whispering random reassuring things to you. Just hearing his silken voice made your heart slow down a bit. You held onto him tightly, almost like you didn’t want him to leave.

“It’s okay. I won’t go anywhere.” He whispered as if he read your mind, running his hand up and down your back.

The feel of his hands made you feel warm. Your grip on him loosened and you could feel your muscles relax as they reverted back from their tense state. Kuroo was distraught, given you were still sobbing quietly. He kept you close to him while laying back down and covering you with the comforter. You stayed there without protest. That was the only form of comfort you had, and it came from him. He continued playing with your hair, making sure you could feel it so you’d know you were awake. You knew that if he wasn’t there, you would’ve sat in bed staring at the wall for hours, and even you didn’t want that right now.

“Shh...don’t cry. It’s okay now.” You heard Kuroo whisper quietly.

_Two seconds later:_

“I’m right here. Try to fall asleep.” Your hair tangled around his fingers again, just like his had some time before.

You closed your eyes, opening them right away out of fear. Who knew what you might see if you kept them closed too long. Trying over and over only made you feel worse. Nothing seemed to work even now that there was someone next to you. Your eyes filled with tears that stained your skin as they fell. Kuroo noticed how troubled you were and it troubled him too. Not knowing what else to say or do, he took your face into his hands and you knew where this was headed. You breathed in, ready to be distracted from yourself. That was true, because when you felt Kuroo brush his lips past yours briefly you couldn’t quite think of anything more. He kissed you right after, flipping you over as your arms went over his shoulders lazily.

For the next hour or so that was all the two of you did. He would wipe any tears that made their way onto your skin, kissing you where the stains were instead. You felt a bit better when you saw Kuroo try to help you. Part of you wanted to accept it but another part wouldn’t let it happen. Still, you let him kiss you wherever he did. You kept touching his hair, even his skin just to feel something physically. It helped that he was there. You couldn’t even remember what you had dreamt about any longer. The way your nerves responded to Kuroo’s touch made you dizzy, almost like you wanted to sleep. This was a reenactment of the even that had occurred a bit earlier but everything felt so different. This time you felt a bit less drunk, more vulnerable and sensitive.

“Your skin is so soft.” Kuroo remarked, touching your abdomen and lightly dragging his fingers down to where your navel piercing was.

You only sighed in response, too tired from crying and thinking to stay anything. Your hands were on him ever since he kissed you. Your grip was gradually lost as your body gave in to its inevitable need of sleep along with the feeling of Kuroo’s lips on your own. “Sleep well” were the last words you heard that night.

You opened your eyes and covered them with one hand, the sunlight being too bright for your liking. The clock read 10am, which was a bit later than you’d like to wake up. You never enjoyed getting out of bed, but you knew there was no time to whine about it either. Being a multi-sport athlete didn’t leave you much of a choice. You looked over to where Kuroo was, still peacefully asleep. The distinct features of his face were accentuated by the incoming sunlight. His hair was a mess, which made you impulsively touch it and put it back. The thick stands fell back where they were right away as if they didn’t want to move. You got yourself mentally ready to get out of the warm comforter, but just as you were about to get up you felt a hold on your wrist.

“Don’t leave.” Kuroo mumbled in a low voice.

You could feel warmth seep into your cheeks upon hearing Kuroo’s voice. The feeling was new, like the first day of learning a short program. Filled with the need to discover, feel the music and what it did to you. You turned around, completely convinced by the mere mention of staying with him some more. Kuroo trapped you inside his embrace so you wouldn’t leave. He knew you could, anytime. You knew you didn’t have the power to do that.

“What is this? I have work to do.” You tried to sound stern while talking to him.

Kuroo didn’t say anything, he just pretended to sleep. His eyes were still closed, like he refused to accept the fact that it was morning already and he’d have to part with you. Your encounters with him were always filled with so much emotional consequence but he never wavered whenever you needed him. That was what amazed you about Kuroo. Little did you know, he realized you were forcing yourself to get up too. Between wanting you to rest and wanting to keep you with him longer, it was a win-win situation for him either way.

You let yourself be there, and the sunlight didn’t seem that bad since Kuroo made sure your eyes were covered. You took the chance to play with his hair again; there was something about it that kept making you want to. Kuroo’s hands on your bare skin reminded you that you were still both half naked from last night. You had expected it to end at sex, but somehow it felt like you did something even more intimate and secretive than that. The serene silence in the room was interrupted by abrupt ringing of your phone. You reached over to grab it, Kuroo still held onto you. It was Wendy, but you didn’t want to talk right now so you just texted her.

_“What if there was someone here to hold me right now?”_

You smiled to yourself, then the smile disappeared. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading !! I hope to post soon;)   
> Tiktok @kuroosbabyyy come dm me k love you guys


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